How Music Therapy Can Help Manage Holiday Stress
Tick tock, tick tock…. you feel it coming, right??
It’s the most wonderful time of the year! Or so the songs tell us.
Meanwhile, your calendar is overflowing, your shopping list is growing, you’re trying to figure out which family members will be sitting next to each other at dinner, and someone has already asked whether you’re bringing that dish you made three years ago. Oh, and the holiday decorations have been in stores since approximately July. (It seems to start earlier and earlier every year!)
If you’re feeling less “holly jolly” and more “please leave me alone until January,” you’re in good company.
The holiday season can bring joy, connection, and meaningful traditions. But it can also bring stress, anxiety, grief, family tension, financial pressure, and emotional exhaustion. For many women (especially those who spend much of the year taking care of everyone else), the holidays can feel like one more performance in a life already full of responsibilities.
So how do you navigate the season without running yourself completely into the ground? One place to start is by giving yourself permission to do things differently—and letting music help along the way.
Why the Holidays Can Be So Stressful
Holiday stress isn’t always about having too much to do. Sometimes it’s about everything the season represents.
Family gatherings can bring up old relationship patterns, unresolved conflicts, or the expectation that everyone will magically get along because there’s a wreath on the door. Traditions may feel different when children grow up, loved ones pass away, relationships change, or family members live far apart.
There can also be pressure to make everything perfect. We want the right gifts, the perfect meal, meaningful memories, and a house that looks like a holiday magazine spread. Meanwhile, we’re exhausted, and the dog has eaten the ribbon off a present.
For some people, the holidays also intensify loneliness or grief. When everyone around you seems cheerful, it can be difficult to admit that you’re struggling.
Here’s an important reminder: You don’t have to feel happy just because it’s the holidays. (Say that one again, slowly and maybe out loud.) Your emotions don’t need to match the decorations.
Five Ways to Manage Holiday Stress (With a Little Help From Music)
1. Give Yourself Permission to Feel What You Feel
You can love your family and still feel anxious about seeing them. You can appreciate your life and still feel sad about someone who isn’t here to celebrate. You can enjoy holiday traditions and still find some of them exhausting.
Music can help you acknowledge those complicated feelings. Choose a song that reflects your current emotional state and pay attention to what comes up. Maybe the lyrics express something you’ve struggled to articulate. Maybe the music brings up a memory you’ve been avoiding.
You don’t have to force yourself into a cheerful mood. Sometimes, recognizing what you’re feeling is the first step toward figuring out what you need.
And no, you don’t have to listen to cheerful Christmas music just because everyone else is doing it. Your emotional well-being does not depend on how many times you’ve heard Jingle Bells.
2. Create a Personal Stress-Relief Playlist
Think of music as a resource you can keep in your pocket—or, more realistically, on your phone.
Create a playlist for different situations: one for calming down after a stressful family interaction, another for getting motivated when your energy is low, and perhaps one for reconnecting with yourself when you feel overwhelmed.
Your playlist doesn’t have to consist of soft instrumental music and gentle nature sounds. If belting out a favorite ’80s or ’90s anthem makes you feel empowered, go for it!
The key is noticing how different music affects you. Does a particular song help you relax, release tension, feel understood, or regain perspective? Pay attention to what works for you rather than assuming there’s one universally calming kind of music.
3. Set Boundaries Before You Reach Your Breaking Point
Music cannot magically make difficult relatives easier to manage (darn!). If it could, therapists everywhere would be handing out headphones at Thanksgiving dinner.
What music can do is give you an opportunity to pause and reconnect with yourself before responding to a stressful situation.
Try listening to a grounding song before a family gathering or taking a short musical break afterward. Use that time to notice your emotions, breathe, and decide how you want to respond.
And remember, boundaries are allowed. You can decline an invitation, simplify a meal, limit the length of a visit, or change a tradition that no longer works for you.
You do not have to sacrifice your well-being to make everyone else’s holiday perfect.
4. Make Room for Joy That Has Nothing to Do With Productivity
When was the last time you did something simply because you enjoyed it?
Not because it checked something off your to-do list. Not because it benefited someone else. Just because it made you happy.
Put on music and dance around the kitchen. Listen to an album you loved when you were younger. Sing along in the car. Revisit songs that remind you of friends, adventures, or a time when life felt a little less complicated. A personal favorite of mine is to only listen to the holiday music I like (specifically, Harry Connick Jr.’s first Christmas album) and not what randomly comes onto the streaming “holiday memories” playlist.
These small experiences can help you reconnect with pleasure, identity, and positive memories during an otherwise demanding season.
And if your idea of holiday joy is drinking coffee in a quiet room while everyone else watches a movie, that counts, too.
5. Recognize When You Need More Support
Sometimes holiday stress goes beyond feeling overwhelmed for a few days. Persistent anxiety, sadness, irritability, sleep difficulties, or emotional exhaustion may be signs that you need additional support.
Music therapy can provide a space to explore those feelings, identify patterns, develop coping strategies, and reconnect with parts of yourself that get lost in the demands of everyday life.
As a board-certified music therapist, I use music intentionally to support emotional expression, self-awareness, stress management, and personal growth. That might involve exploring meaningful lyrics, discussing the emotions a song brings up, or using music to support relaxation and emotional regulation.
You don’t have to be musical, and you don’t have to sing or play an instrument. The focus is on you—not your musical abilities.
This Holiday Season, Give Yourself Some Grace
You cannot control every family interaction, eliminate every obligation, or guarantee that everyone will be happy. You can, however, make choices that protect your energy and support your emotional well-being.
Maybe that means simplifying your plans. Maybe it means letting go of a tradition, or tweaking it slightly to fit into your needs this year. Maybe it means taking ten minutes to listen to music before walking into a house full of relatives, or listening to your own holiday playlist when you go for a walk to have space from aforementioned relatives.
The holidays don’t have to be perfect to be meaningful. And you don’t have to exhaust yourself proving how much you care.
This year, try giving yourself the same kindness you so readily offer everyone else.
Put on a song that makes you feel like yourself. Take a breath. Remember that you are a person, not the holiday event coordinator for the entire universe.
And if all else fails, there’s always the option of hiding in the bathroom for five minutes with your earbuds (they’re small enough to fit in your pocket, no one has to know).
I won’t judge.
Happy holidays—and may your music be good, your expectations be reasonable, and your stress levels be a little lower this year.
