Dealing with Disappointment

As long as we’re all sharing time here on Earth, we will experience disappointment. From being turned down for a sought-after job or date, to favorite teams losing the last game of the season, to the coffee shop being unable to make our regular drink, to having a highly anticipated event cancelled at the last minute— life serves up big and small disappointments everyday. It’s an inevitable part of our existence.

Obviously, some disappointments are easier to handle than others. If the coffee shop runs out of French roast, then you go with breakfast blend for the day– no big deal. But being turned down for the job that would mean a huge pay raise and a step up for your career? That one’s a little harder to shrug off and move past.

So what are we to do???

I believe the key is in looking at the bright side and searching for the silver lining in each disappointing situation. Easier said than done, I know, and it does take some regular practice to make it part of your outlook on life. But the benefits are worth it for your state of mind and sense of Self. So stick with me here for a minute.

Try this exercise on for size–

Think for a moment and try to remember a situation recently where you experienced disappointment. For easy illustration purposes, I’ll use the coffee shop as an example. (They were out of my usual drink.)

Ok, now think of your response to the disappointment. (I felt disappointed and a little uncertain because I’d have to read the menu to decide what other drink I might want. It was a break in my routine, which left me feeling unsettled.)

What did you decide to do? (I ordered another drink that was new to me.)

What was the outcome? (I still got a coffee fix.)

And the silver lining? (I discovered a coffee drink I like almost as much as my regular order.)

I know a disruption in my typical coffee order is a small thing in the grand scheme of life, but it illustrates my point– looking for the silver lining in disappointing situations can help manage the emotions that arise when they inevitably happen. I firmly believe that all information we gather on our journey through life is useful and helpful if viewed with a positive perspective.

Like this–

[ordered a new coffee drink] Wow, this tastes horrible and nothing at all like I expected. I’m never coming to this coffee shop again! And on top of that, my drink tastes so bad I don’t want to finish it, so not only am I out the money for the drink but I won’t get my coffee fix either! What a way to start the day!

[ordered a new coffee drink] Wow, this tastes horrible and nothing at all like I expected. I’ll have to remember next time not to order sugar free hazelnut syrup in a latte. But it was really nice that the barista offered to reduce the price of my drink because they were out of my usual order. And even though I don’t have time to grab another cup of coffee before work, I’ll probably have time at lunch to get one. It’s the afternoon when I feel sleepier anyway!

See the difference? Same experience with a horrible tasting coffee drink, but the perspective was more positive in the second illustration. Plus, I gathered some helpful information that I can use in the future– my dislike for sugar free hazelnut syrup, and there are nice baristas at that coffee shop.

It takes practice and some effort to look for the silver lining in disappointing situations, and it’s not always as easy as ordering a different coffee drink. But give it a try next time you’re confronted with disappointment. I think you’ll notice a difference!

If you’re curious about how music therapy might help, contact me anytime.  I’m always happy to answer questions!