1. Meditate.
I promise, you don’t have to sit yoga and hum “ohm” for 3 hours each day. Studies have shown that simply closing your eyes, being still, and focusing on your breathing for 5 minutes can have beneficial effects on your blood pressure, heart rate, and overall feelings of calmness and relaxation. 5 minutes! Twice a day! Try it for a week, you’ll be hooked.

2. Get out in nature.
Research has also shown that spending time outdoors regularly has positive effects on our overall outlook on life and sense of well-being. So enjoy your morning cup of coffee on the front porch, or plant a few flowers in a pot on the back deck, take an after dinner stroll around the neighborhood, explore the local parks or botanical garden. Enjoy the fresh air!

3. Relationships.
In the mental health field, we call it a “support system.” In the business world, it’s called “your network.” We all need friends. When life gets tough, it’s important to have people we can depend on to be there for us– that friend you know you can call anytime for support. Those people are there to celebrate the highs and help us through the lows. Build those relationships.

4. Time alone.
While it’s crucial to have solid relationships with others, it’s also equally important to spend time by yourself. We all need “me time” to do those things just for ourselves. Maybe it’s a quiet afternoon reading your favorite book, or a weekend away at the beach/mountains, a stroll through the local art gallery, a morning at the nearby coffee house reading the newspaper, listen to your favorite music. Whatever it is– make time to do it. And make it a regular occurrence.

It’s not selfish to engage in these activities for ourselves– it’s self-preserving! Remember what the flight attendants instruct passengers on airplanes– place the oxygen mask on yourself first, then help your neighbors with their’s. Take time today to securely fasten your oxygen mask.

Happy mastering!

Based on recent research, here are some tips for choosing music that’s relaxing for you–
1)The tempo of the music should be moderate- not too fast, too slow, or have too many changes (slow in one part but speeds up later)
2) The dynamics should also stay fairly even throughout the music– no big changes from quiet to LOUD or vice versa
3) The fewer instruments, the better– think solo instruments with a little background music.

There is some debate on whether or not music with lyrics is relaxing. Some believe it is, while others think it’s distracting. I usually recommend lyrics in a foreign language– that way your brain can’t latch onto the words and go romping down the road of distraction when you’re trying to relax. Another element to consider is environmental sounds such as ocean waves or chirping birds. Some people find that relaxing– others not so much.

The bottom line is to find music you like, that relaxes you and helps you meditate or feel calmer. Consider these tips when you go browsing through the iTunes or Amazon store. Listen to clips of songs and see what feels right to your ears.

If you find that you’re still unsure about what music to buy, you can always contact your friendly music therapist. We’re experts on this! Happy relaxing!

Elliott, Polman, & McGregor. “Relaxing Music for Anxiety Control,” Journal of Music Therapy, 48(3), 2011, 264-288.

**A special thanks to Sheila Collins of Caring Strategies here in Huntsville for recommending this book!**

I’m sure all gardeners share similar dreams of their lovingly planted seeds growing into a bountiful harvest. But the truth is that it’s not as easy as it sounds. A bountiful harvest (or even just a mediocre harvest!) takes proper planning– from knowing which plants will grow in your garden to properly preparing the soil before panting to planting at the correct time in the best place…. and then there’s the endless watering and weeding for weeks on end, not to mention the bugs that like the harvest just as much as we do! It’s a lot of work to have a successful garden! It takes money for supplies, dedicated time for maintenance and upkeep, and lots of effort. And even then, there are no guarantees.

Life is like that, too. So is therapy. If you think of your life and your relationships as a garden, how are you doing? Are they growing successfully? Do they need a little more time and attention to be fruitful? Are you sitting on the porch sipping tea and just *waiting* for them to do it all on their own? Have the weeds taken over? If you’re not satisfied with how your garden is growing, take some time to consider what you can do to change that.

Happy planting!

There are two main reasons I love springtime. The first has to do with rebirth, renewal, rejuvenation. Much of nature rests during winter. Trees go dormant, animals hibernate– all saving their energy up for the glorious spring when they burst forth with new growth and beauty. Just like nature, we also need a time to rest and replenish our energy tanks. Perhaps that means we spend more time in quiet contemplation or meditation, or maybe we simply cut back on our social lives just a little, or it could be that we focus more on self-care and nurturing our inner Selves. However you choose to rest and replenish, don’t neglect this important part of life’s cycle. A daffodil doesn’t rest for a week before blooming again– it takes months of energy storage. Give yourself time to rest.

The second thing I love about spring is cleaning! (I know, you’re saying WHAT?!) But hear me out. No, I don’t particularly enjoy scrubbing the house from top to bottom. What I *do* like is getting rid of old, unused, no longer needed stuff that seems to accumulate from year to year. It’s the clearing out of clutter, the making of new space for whatever comes into life this year. I know I can’t be the only one who’s had the experience of climbing onto the step ladder to dust the knickknacks on the top shelf of a bookcase (because you know the last time you dusted up there was last spring), and seeing the inch of dust that’s settled and wonder, “now *why* am I keeping this stuff anyway?” [Ahem, if you haven't read my previous blog post about "Outer Space" (or if you did and didn't do anything about it), this is where it ties in!] Spring cleaning is the chance to make room in your life, your house, your office, wherever– for whatever is going to come into life this year. Nothing new can come in without something old leaving. Make some room! Create some space! And then breathe in the fresh clean scent of possibility!

So, are you ready for spring?

“No Boundary” by Ken Wilber.
This is a terrific read as an introduction to deeper encounters with the Self. For the most part, the author writes in clear, easy to follow language that any non-psychologist/therapist/counselor can grasp. With the author’s background in philosophy, though, the first half of the book tends to be very philosophical in nature– so fair warning on that point. (Full disclosure: I had a *hard* time reading until about chapter 7. But that could just be me. My brain isn’t wired for philosophical discussions.) Chapters 7-10 provide less philosophy and more practical exercises for getting in touch with your deeper consciousness.

If you’re looking for a relatively short, concise book that will help you move forward on your journey to a fuller, deeper life experience– this is the book for you!

The previous blog entry was about outer space– how you create and care for the environment around you in order to bring more peace and calm to your daily life experience. And you’ve made some positive changes to that space, right?  (If you haven’t, that’s your cue!)

Today’s post is about your inner space. And no, I don’t mean your heart, lungs, and kidneys or whether or not that breakfast bowl of oatmeal will really tide you over until lunch. I’m talking about your inner Self. Wait– what? You’ve never thought about it? Oh. Well. Hmm. Ok, let’s take a little stroll and chat a minute.

Your inner space is what some folks refer to as their conscience or their center. It’s where your true Being and Self reside, that place from which your authentic and genuine emotions originate. Now this is not to be confused with some of your daily, knee-jerk feelings (like getting angry at being cut off in traffic or betrayed when your co-worker takes credit for your brilliant idea with the boss)– no this is deeper stuff I’m talking about. This is the place where your sense of Self comes from, the place that answers the questions of “who am I” and “what’s my purpose”. It’s the place most of us don’t spend nearly enough time in, and that’s why I think it’s important to write this blog post.

So how do you get in touch with your inner space? Meditation is one excellent way. If you find that idea intimidating (and many do!), then simply spend some quiet time alone doing absolutely nothing except breathing and being calm. Perhaps play some soft instrumental music (slow tempo works best) that you enjoy to help you relax. And just be. Don’t use the time to go over your grocery list or the household chores that need to be done or the pile of work on your desk at the office. This is time for You. And honestly, all you need to start with is 5 minutes a day. (True confession: I often spend my 5 minutes of quiet time in the morning inhaling a fresh cup of coffee, just breathing it in– ahh!)  If you really can’t get into the idea of sitting quietly doing nothing but breathing, then try journaling.  Just write whatever comes to mind without censoring yourself.  If that’s not your cup of tea, try taking a short walk around the block.  Focus on the sensory experience of doing that– the sights, smells, colors, movements of nature.  Really pay attention.  If that doesn’t float your boat, then be creative and find some activity that you can engage in that provides you with a break, a time out from the daily grind.  The point is to redirect your focus inward for a short period of time, to shut out the outside world for just a few minutes.

So give it a try for a week. 5 minutes daily, that’s it. I think you’ll be surprised at what happens!

Take a moment, wherever you are reading this, and look around you.  What do you notice?  What catches your eye first, second, third?  What sounds come to your ears?  Are there scents?  And how about textures– what are you sitting on, touching, tasting?  These are the things that make your “outer space” at this very moment.  Is it pleasant?  Rejuvenating?  Relaxing?  Anxiety-provoking?  Scary?  Peaceful?  And how much of it do you control?

In your own home, you have absolute control over the environment.  You can paint the walls a new color, rearrange the furniture, choose meaningful artwork, decide what sort of fabric patterns and textures you want, purchase coordinating accessories, etc.  You can make your outer living space uplifting and energetic or calm and peaceful.  You can create the living space you desire that supports and nurtures every aspect of your life, from minimalist to sentimental knick-knacks and everything in between.

This blog post isn’t so much about home decorating as it is about creating the outer space you need to flourish in life.  Our external world has an impact on our internal world.  What we surround ourselves with is an extension of our inner self– a cluttered home could indicate a cluttered inner life that may need a little tidying up, or maybe that’s how you operate best.  Whatever the state of your outer space, look at it closely and decide if it’s the best outer space for you.  Surround yourself with things that are beautiful and functional.  Things that, when you experience them, you say, “ah, now that’s just what I needed!”  Pay attention to the effect your environment has on your well-being.  Change whatever may need changing.  Perhaps you simply need to move a chair to a different corner of the room, or maybe you need a whole new paint color on the walls, or maybe all the sentimental knick-knacks just aren’t *you* anymore.

So think about your outer space today.  Make a small change to it.  And see if that predicates a small change in you.

I managed to get my train ticket, proceed to the platform, and board the correct train back to my hotel without any hassles. However, when I got off the train at my station, I had absolutely no idea how to get from the station to my hotel. And by this point, I was starving, tired, and had two lovely blisters on my heels from all the walking around in dressy shoes. This particular train station was large and had an escalator at each end, so I randomly picked one and went up– hoping I was headed in the correct direction. At the top of the escalator was a friendly looking MARTA worker who saw me coming up (I must have had a certain look about me) and asked, “Honey, do you need some help?” She graciously gave me a downtown Atlanta map and directions to my hotel from the train station– I needed to take the other escalator to yet another escalator that would take me to a mall where there was a skybridge to my hotel. Fortunately for me, there was yet another friendly MARTA worker at the top of the other escalator (who also asked me, “Sweetie, are you lost?”) who directed me to the escalator up to the mall. In the mall, I was asked by a patrol cop if I needed directions (I must have *really* looked a sight!) and finally made it back to my hotel.

Several days later, the return trip to my car was even more torturous (I had luggage and the skybridge was closed), but I’ll spare you the return trip details. The point of my laborious story is to illustrate that we so often make plans regarding how we’re going to proceed through life– whether that’s career plans, medical treatment plans, legal plans, spiritual plans– and sometimes life throws curve balls that take a toll on us. And yet it always seems that, with every curve ball, life also places “helpers” along the journey. Helpers appear in many different ways– perhaps your best friend, your pastor, the acquaintance at work, the barista at your regular coffee shop, the complete stranger, the long lost friend from 20 years ago. In my experience, they appear at *exactly* the right moment. Sometimes we have to seek out their help first, and sometimes they simply appear and offer to help us.  But we have to be open to seeing them and receiving their assistance.

Has life thrown you a curve ball lately?  Are your eyes open? Are you willing to receive the help that is there for you?